Following in the footsteps of Band Aid, West Country super group the Wurzels are set to release their own charity record to raise money for the victims of Coldseal Windows. The song, entitled “Do they know I still have five years left of my ten year guarantee?” is being recorded in response to the collapse of the window giant and will feature a host of West Country celebrities. Artists tipped to appear include Massive Attack, Robin Cousins, Fred Wedlock, Acker Bilk, Susan Osman, Richard Agnew and the entire cast of Casualty. It is also rumoured that Uncle Bruce Hockin and Richard Wyatt will also be reunited to duet on the track. The troubled window company went bust a couple of months ago, leaving hundreds of customers in the West out of pocket and angry. Some of that anger was directed at the Wurzels, as they had played such an important part in Coldseal’s advertising campaign over the years.

“Who can forget those jingles?” one customer told us. “I know you shouldn’t purchase thousands of pounds worth of windows on the basis of a catchy tune, but that three little pigs was a classic!” An insider for the Wurzels thinks it is a worthy cause: “Although we are not in competition with Sir Bob Geldof and his superstar line up, we would urge people to go out buy this single, as any money raised will benefit people in the Bristol area.” And one customer we spoke to, who wished to remain annoying, echoed those sentiments: “Do you know I paid that company £4000. There may well be a world outside your window that is full of dread and fear, but outside mine is a half-completed conservatory. Can you imagine the dread and fear that’s causing me. Well can you?” Not really! But if the Wurzels were hoping to top the charts at Christmas their chances are non existent according to a spokesman for Ladbrooks: “The Band Aid 20 single remains the firm favourite, although there is stiff competition in the form of a duet by Rachel Stevens and her dad Shaky. But as to the Wurzels chances – non existent. If it comes down to giving money to starving people in Africa or middle class twats who need windows, who would you give to?”